Horrorscope – Thursday 14th February 2014


horrorscopes title

Your love charges by the hour.

Your love charges by the hour.

All your teeth will fall out and each tooth will grow into a beautiful flower shaped like a heart. You will still have no teeth.

All your teeth will fall out and each tooth will grow into a beautiful flower shaped like a heart. You will still have no teeth.

Love songs are warnings from the future. Heed them.Love songs are warnings…

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Horrorscope – Thursday 14th February 2014


horrorscopes title

Your love charges by the hour.

Your love charges by the hour.

All your teeth will fall out and each tooth will grow into a beautiful flower shaped like a heart. You will still have no teeth.

All your teeth will fall out and each tooth will grow into a beautiful flower shaped like a heart. You will still have no teeth.

Love songs are warnings from the future. Heed them.Love songs are warnings…

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Horrorscope – Thursday 14th February 2014


horrorscopes title

Cutethulu – Lewis Carroll Meets H.P. Lovecraft Meets Twee.


It’s nearly Valentine’s Day. What better way to celebrate that perfect union betwixt you and your special one by gifting them a t-shirt like this one:

cutethulu_t_shirt-rc978f02a5e12491fb53aeeb114c1ea00_804gs_324

I thought I was being really clever but apparently I’m not the first person to put the word CUTE and the word CTHULU together and then draw a twee version of The Elder One.

Even so, given that my 401k isn’t going so well and this t-shirt is awesome I recommend you buy one for someone you love.

Valentine’s Day! Patron Saint of The Elder Gods!*

*I’m going to hell.

Me Without You.


A diver without an aqualung,

A paedophile without the young.

A camel with no hump,

A boxer with no thump.

A clown without any fun,

An American without a gun.

Strawberries without cream,

The BFG without a dream.

Communism without Marx,

An underwater adventure without sharks.

Christianity without the philosophy of Greeks,

The Welsh stereotype without leeks.

A monk without a cowl,

An archaeologist without a trowel.

A Catholic without the guilt,

A Scotsman without his kilt.

A gun without a bullet,

An 80’s pop star without a mullet.

Sex without any sweat,

A sick animal without a vet.

Santa without a reindeer,

A pervert without a leer.

A war without deaths,

A tramp without meths.

The Psyche without the Self

A ninja without stealth.

A widow without a shroud,

A mushroom without a cloud.

Four horsemen without an apocalypse,

The Queen Mother without broken hips.

Jack without Daniel,

An aristocrat without a spaniel.

Hercules without tasks,

Balls without masques.

The police without crime,

Coleridge without a Rime.

Muslims without jihad,

Addicts without rehab.

Gaffers without grips,

Fish without chips.

Roman Emperors without insanity,

Fair without the Vanity.

Haunting without a ghost,

Sunday without a roast.

Christmas with no suicide,

A playground without a slide.

Meals with no eating,

The Olympics with no cheating.

Pull without a Force,

Death without a horse.

A storm without the rain,

Fisting without any pain.

Silence without peace,

Pain without release.

An Italian without a scooter,

A six-gun without a shooter.

Depression minus the manic,

Start of the century without the Titanic.

A sniffer without glue,

Is like me without you.

A foot without a shoe,

Is like me without you.

Caged animals without a zoo,

Is like me without you.

Culture of Illusion – Valentine.


Valentine.
Thumb heart in snow.

Thumb print heart pressed in the snow

Bitter memory of prior woe.

Hold them close on this day

Before the snow melts all away.