Tag: scope

Horror Scope – Libra 20th October


All of this was a dream.

Except for that bit.

That bit was all too real.

Don’t worry, the shuddering will cease, eventually.

libra 2

Horror Scope – Libra 17th October


Today –

Walking for thinking,

Running to clear your head

And flying because of the giant cybernetic wings that have been grafted to your back, complex wiring interlaced with your nueral system.

Fly, my pretty, fly.

 

libra 2

Horror Scope – Libra 16th October


You forgot to read your horoscope today. That is why today has been such a disaster.

You do not know this is the reason for your failure because you have not read your horoscope.

Etc.

libra 2

Horror Scope – Libra 13th October


Your application to become the newest member of the US Supreme Court was successful. Congratulations!

libra 2

 

Horror Scope – Libra 12th October


It is recommended that you get your affairs in order and purchase a gravestone.
All other matters remain unclear.
Good luck!

libra 2


Horror Scope – Libra 9th October

Today you will waste your time reading a fake horoscope.

This is that horoscope.

The one you are reading now.

You are still reading it.

Still.

It hasn’t finished yet.

Still going.

That’s it.

No wait – there’s more.

Nope.

Just kidding.

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Horror Scope – Libra 9th October

Today you will waste your time reading a fake horoscope.

This is that horoscope.

The one you are reading now.

You are still reading it.

Still.

It hasn’t finished yet.

Still going.

That’s it.

No wait – there’s more.

Nope.

Just kidding.

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Horror Scope – Libra 9th October


Today you will waste your time reading a fake horoscope.

This is that horoscope.

The one you are reading now.

You are still reading it.

Still.

It hasn’t finished yet.

Still going.

That’s it.

No wait – there’s more.

Nope.

Just kidding.

libra 2

Horror Scope – Libra 8th October


Your feet are on fire.

I’m not complimenting your dancing.

Your actual feet are actually on fire.

Hang on there, I’ll go and get a fire extinguisher.

libra 2

Horror Scope – Libra 7th October


Unfortunately stupidity is now contagious.

There is no cure.

Except for books.

But you can no longer read them because of the stupidity.

 

libra 2

Horror Scope – Libra 6th October


When you woke up today it was yesterday.

Don’t worry about tomorrow – it will be today; and by the evening next week will have already happened.

libra 2

Horror Scope – Libra 3rd October


Your tendency to find the best in people will do you well today.

Look forward to new lungs, a new heart and some lovely new kidneys in your future.

MMMMMM. Kidneys.

libra 2

Horror Scope – Libra 2nd October


Be wary of your eloquence today.

Don’t come running to me when you find yourself leading a rag-tag band of ne’er-do-wells on a suicide mission to rescue The President’s children.

I warned you.

libra 2

Horror Scope – Libra 30th September


Today your hugs will cure everything –

AIDS, Cancer, Gout.

But not loneliness.

There is no cure for loneliness.

libra 2

Horror Scope – Libra 29th September


You are the kind of person who wears your heart on your sleeve.

Your sleeve is soaked with blood and you have about a minute before that call for the ambulance will be for naught.

Fingers crossed!

Not that you can feel your fingers any more.

libra 2

Horror Scope – Libra 28th September


Someone will give you a million dollars today.

You just need to find which continent they are on.

Good luck!

libra 2

Horror Scope – Libra 27th September


Today the weather will be happening everywhere.

Look, it’s happening now, seeping under the door and through the windows.

There is no escape from The weather.

The Weather!

libra 2

Horror Scope – Libra 26th September


Today is going to be so awful I just can’t give you any details.

Even thinking about what’s going to happen is making me feel nauseous.

Good luck!
libra 2

Horror Scope – Libra 25th September


You’re going to get fired today.
Don’t worry, though, because after lunch you will be hired as a taxidermist.
You will be a really terrible taxidermist.

libra 2

Horror Scope – Libra 24th September


Today every question you ask will be answered with a question. This will frustrate you and make you wish you had never got out of bed. Best day of the week, isn’t it?

libra 2

Horror Scope – Virgo 21st September


Half way through the day all the bananas will disappear. Be on the look out until sunset. We do not yet know when they plan to attack.

virgo

Horror Scope – Virgo 20th September


At around lunch time all your fingers will become teeth and all your teeth will become fingers. This is easily reversible but you’re going to have to work out how for yourself.

virgo