Today is a day to count your blessings. You have seven but they are rapidly approaching their sell by date. … More
Feel free to take candy from strangers today. However, if you find that you wake up in a bath tub … More
You will find some time during the morning that you have developed a prehensile tail. Take advantage of your new … More
Piano keys will not help you unlock this door. They will, however, be really useful as projectile weapons to be … More
Did you really think that you were going to get away with that? Well you did, no consequences. Congratulations. No-one … More
No, it’s not just you – those things in hats have been following you since your morning ablutions. You should … More
Don’t worry too much that the words in your newspaper are dripping off the page. Worry about the terrible price … More
Today you will try to convince everyone that Jeff Bezos is trying to take over the world. No one will … More
Even as you feel the life drain from your body, Be thankful that your corpse will be used as cross-training … More
It will come to your attention as the day progresses that you are not getting the attention you deserve. The … More
Today you will be the Thanksgiving leftovers for our Inter-dimensional Overlords. Baste yourself.
Thanksgiving. Today you will be filled with helium and stretched tight your limbs attached to rope as you are dragged … More
Where does all this energy come from? It comes from The Screaming Dead. That will teach you to ask questions.
You are a hybrid of human and horse. News doesn’t get much better than this today.
Good news – your hopes and dreams are going to come true. Bad news – your hopes and dreams involve … More
It is best that you start learning archery. You will learn for why soon enough.
Remember that thing you did last summer? Yes, I remember that too. *stares*
Too many cooks spoil the broth. If you must make broth out of cooks only use one cook.
Here are five more: