You are Big Brother. Advertisements
All of this was a dream. Except for that bit. That bit was all too real. Don’t worry, the shuddering … More
Today beware of bewaring.
Today – Walking for thinking, Running to clear your head And flying because of the giant cybernetic wings that have … More
You forgot to read your horoscope today. That is why today has been such a disaster. You do not know … More
All of your recent thoughts are mis-remembered celebrity tweets that you read last year.
Everything in moderation – except for moderation.
Your application to become the newest member of the US Supreme Court was successful. Congratulations!
It is recommended that you get your affairs in order and purchase a gravestone. All other matters remain unclear. Good … More
If you have a name then you are doomed. Only the Nameless will survive this day.
Today you will discover that all the mirrors have stopped working.
Today you will waste your time reading a fake horoscope. This is that horoscope. The one you are reading now. … More
Your feet are on fire. I’m not complimenting your dancing. Your actual feet are actually on fire. Hang on there, … More
Unfortunately stupidity is now contagious. There is no cure. Except for books. But you can no longer read them because … More
When you woke up today it was yesterday. Don’t worry about tomorrow – it will be today; and by the … More
You forgot all about today.
All your money has turned into chocolate. You’re welcome.
Your tendency to find the best in people will do you well today. Look forward to new lungs, a new … More
Be wary of your eloquence today. Don’t come running to me when you find yourself leading a rag-tag band of … More
Today is the first day of the month. Isn’t it? Don’t be so sure. mwahahahahahahahahaha etc
Today your hugs will cure everything – AIDS, Cancer, Gout. But not loneliness. There is no cure for loneliness.
You are the kind of person who wears your heart on your sleeve. Your sleeve is soaked with blood and … More
Someone will give you a million dollars today. You just need to find which continent they are on. Good luck!
Today the weather will be happening everywhere. Look, it’s happening now, seeping under the door and through the windows. There … More
Today is going to be so awful I just can’t give you any details. Even thinking about what’s going to … More
You’re going to get fired today. Don’t worry, though, because after lunch you will be hired as a taxidermist. You … More
Today every question you ask will be answered with a question. This will frustrate you and make you wish you … More
Balance? Fuck balance.
Half way through the day all the bananas will disappear. Be on the look out until sunset. We do not … More
At around lunch time all your fingers will become teeth and all your teeth will become fingers. This is easily … More
Remember the last time you had sex? That’s the last time you are ever going to have sex.
Today you will meet a tall and handsome stranger. It is the last thing you will ever do.
Every time a bell rings sound waves emanate from the bell and if they bounce off the workings of the … More
Today will be a day for animalistic sexual congress and meaningless libertine rhetoric.
Don’t give up no matter how hard it gets because if you do that explosive collar around your neck will … More
The happiest moment you will ever experience happened yesterday while you were busy doing something else. Sorry, but it’s not … More
The automated voice on the bus is a trapped spirit caught for all eternity in it’s mobile metal prison.
Public transport is not your friend today. Steal a car. Don’t worry, though, you won’t get caught.
Don’t go to the bathroom today. SERIOUSLY. DON’T GO!
Do not be afraid of making a big mistake today. By the time you make that big mistake you will … More
Every time a bell rings an angel has a tummy orgasm.
What year is this? WHAT YEAR IS THIS?!
Werewolves: they were wolves. What they are now who can say but you can be sure of this… they have … More
Don’t mention to anyone that you see the sky bleeding.
Just a little bit of Dambisa Moyo talking about the uselessness of Celebrity Aid for Africa:
So it would appear that I’ve done quite a lot of these. Here they all are together.
DO WHAT YOU LOVE UNLESS WHAT YOU LOVE IS EATING HUMANS AND MAKING FURNITURE OUT OF THE LEFTOVERS.
TECHNOLOGICAL PROGRESS DOES NOT GUARANTEE ETHICAL + MORAL PROGRESS.
YOU ARE NOT WELCOME IN FREEDOM CITY.
A PYRAMID CANNOT BE TOPPLED. IT MUST BE DISMANTLED, CAREFULLY, ONE BRICK AT A TIME.
ASKING A NEW PARTNER TO DANCE IS ALWAYS AWKWARD.
OPPRESSION DOES NOT REQUIRE A JACK BOOT OR A BILLY CLUB.
And it’s Friday again and things have happened and here is music and Jeremy Scahill: And that is that.
All seeing eye Low slung Up High Blinkless hive-mind Panopticon Watching.
YOU WILL HEAR A TINY OCEAN.
WHERE THE TRUTH LIES.
THE DRUMBEAT OF WAR.
WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION.
DO NOT FEED LETTUCE.
I’ve been away for a while but I’ve been working on very important things. Like this: You … More
IF YOU ARE NEVER SURPRISED THEN YOU ARE CONCENTRATING ON THE WRONG THINGS.
THERE IS NO WORTHWHILE LIFE WITHOUT SADNESS.
JOY CAN BE FOUND IN THE MOST EVIL OF ACTIONS.
ONLY THROUGH FEAR WILL YOU REACH BRAVERY.
YOUR DISGUST IS A LEARNT RESPONSE.
YOUR CONTEMPT IS A CHARACTER STAIN.
THE AFTERMATH OF ANGER IS A TERRIBLE WEAKNESS THAT IS OFTEN WORTH THAT PRICE.
YOU ARE AS BORING AS I AM.
Somewhere nearby there is a store that sells only left shoes…
I AM AS BORING AS YOU.
NOT A SEX TOY.
Hahahahaha Etc. From the fine people at The Poke.
THE WASH EXPANDS THE LANGUAGE.
There is nothing more rewarding that gamifying starvation. I can’t help think that there is a massive warehouse full of … More
I just have a soft spot for this glorious psychopath so I thought I would share a little observation about … More
I just got back from The Dance Place where I watched a Bharata Natyam dance and then a recreation of Anna Sakalov’s … More
WE’RE RUNNING OUT OF FACES.
A quirky fact about the Washington Monument – the tip is made of aluminum. Why, you might ask. It seems … More
As I was wondering around Washington DC last night I saw this: How wonderful it would have been, I thought … More
I was quite taken with the idea, as I was strolling through Washington DC today, enjoying the full bloom of … More
There are so many things to say about Baroness Thatcher. I could say lots of things about her. The four … More