Culture of Illusion – You think we are this stupid? You think we are this stupid.


Just in case we in America are too stupid to understand this commercial the makers helpfully put a disclaimer on the top left hand corner.

The commercial was for MAKEUP not TIME REGRESSION SURGERY.

WHICH IS NOT A THING.

I took an actual photograph of my actual television with my actual camera because I was so actually fucking astounded.

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FUCK YOU ADVERTISERS AND LEGISLATORS AND LAWYERS.

HAPPY FRIDAY TO EVERYONE ELSE.

Culture of Illusion – Yabba dabba don’t.


Culture of Illusion – Yabba dabba don’t.

Before the Flintsones and the Rubbles were sandwich boards for breakfast cereals and chewable vitamins they trod a more morally suspect path:

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Culture of Illusion – Yabba dabba don’t.


Culture of Illusion – Yabba dabba don’t.

Before the Flintsones and the Rubbles were sandwich boards for breakfast cereals and chewable vitamins they trod a more morally suspect path:

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Culture of Illusion – Singularity Achieved.


What can one make of this thing? Despair seems an appropriate response – despair as great thick choking wads of hopelessness thicken up the sinews of your throat – your dying breath to whisperingly order a Bake a bone for Man’s Best Friend before you shuffle off this mortal coil.

I have owned dogs. I thought I loved those dogs. Little did I realise that I was filled with loathing for these loyal creatures. Little did I realise that I was supposed to care about the dog treats that were filled with “Preservatives” and “Who Knows What”? Down with preservatives! Curse Who Knows What!

I have heard about all the research that has gone into Who Knows What.! We all know the horror stories! We need to be protected from Who Knows What! Our dogs need to be protected from Who Knows What!

Did the dogs care? I was too selfish to ask!

If only I had known about the Bake a Bone. If only I had purchased one to make tasty doggy treats with the packs of dried flavored powder that is, I’m sure free of preservatives and Who Knows What, that comes with the Bake a Bone. It’s only $29.95! It is a small price to pay!

But surely I would have loved my dog enough to purchase the deluxe kit? There is a deluxe kit? Of course there is a deluxe kit you dog-hating murderer. I will purchase that now! It only costs an extra $10 to prove that you love your dog and you’re not trying to poison your dog, you heartless filthy cur.

I don’t even have a dog any more yet still I feel compelled to buy one of these essential items. Maybe I can use it to make treats for the kids! The kids would love it! The kids love treats!

Kids and dogs are similar and look at all the flavours with their marvellous evocative names:

  • cheesy – dogs and children like cheese.
  • bacon – dogs and children like bacon.
  • barebones – we all have bones!
  • snickerpoodle – a pun! Look everyone a pun!
  • banana – dogs and children like bananas.
  • breathmint – dogs and children smell bad in their mouths.
  • thanksgiving – a perfect canine way to re-enact all the family arguments and tension at last years Thanksgiving.
  • peanut butter – Fuck you Bake a Bone.

With the invention of the Bake a Bone we have finally reached Singularity. Ray Kurzweil can retire and we can all stop trying, innovating and/or improving ourselves. The Technological Superintelligence that we have all been promised has been achieved. There is nothing more to be done. This is the black monolith that we always dreamed would appear before us stripping away the all too human veil the world is shadowed in and reveal to us the true glory of the next stage of our Evolution.

Down with Who Knows What! Long live Who Knows What!

Culture of Illusion – The Most Boring Man in the World


The most boring man in the world is validated by a confused looking Alica Keyes.
The most boring man in the world has his existence validated by a confused looking Alica Keyes.

The Commercial begins. A man is being dumped by his girlfriend. He is told that he is boring. I watch this commercial and think that she looks boring too and think that they are probably great for each other but I put this thought to one side and continue watching. The commercial is for a credit card. The voice over is the man who has been jilted by the bland woman who he probably loved. He can’t get over the fact that he has been called boring. It seems that he has gone through his entire life thinking that he is not boring. This revelation is a shock to him so he does the only thing he can think to do when accused of being boring. He goes to his citibank online account and looks to see what kind of free offers are available through his credit card. He then goes to an art gallery. After that he goes to a cookery class. Then finally he gets special back stage tickets to see Alicia Keys in concert. He even gets an awkward picture with the star. These are all the actions of a boring man being boring doing boring things. He has learnt nothing he has moved forward not one jot. He is stuck in a boring spiral from which he will never escape yet entirely ignorant of the fact that he is boring. Perhaps this is zen. Perhaps this is the pinnacle of what it is to be a human being in the Western World. The aspiration is to be a sandwich board for a corporation; a person who collects objects like experiences or experiences like objects. The man thinks he can’t be boring because he has gone to an art gallery. He thinks he is interesting because he has taken a cooking class. He thinks he is interesting because he has gone to a music concert and paid extra money with his credit card to have an awkward picture taken with Alicia Keyes. What does it all mean? It means nothing. it means that having a credit card will help you get over your boring ex who called you boring because it can allow you to collect experiences without delving into the depths of those experiences. Does the bland man enjoy the art he has experienced at the art gallery? Is he enriched by the picture of Marilyn Monroe? Does he actually learn to cook at the cooking class? Has he heightened his appreciation of the culinary arts? Does he even like the music of Alicia Keys or was a ticket to her concert just a free offer that was available with the card? I don’t know the answer to any of these questions but the aching tragedy is that none of this seems to matter. For this man to have a life all he needs to do is purchase, use the credit card, and then die lonely and unaware. What happens later. Does he become a stalker? Is there a restraining order put out against him by the cooking teacher or Alicia Keys? Does it all end with him living in a bedsit in the squalid back alleys of a nameless city shooting smack into his thin broken veins? Maybe. What I do know is that this commercial irks me and it’s very existence diminishes every single one of us.


Just in case we in America are too stupid to understand this commercial the makers helpfully but a disclaimer on the top left hand corner. The commercial was for makeup not time regression surgery. I took an actual photograph of my actual television with my actual camera because I was so actually fucking astounded.


Just in case we in America are too stupid to understand this commercial the makers helpfully but a disclaimer on the top left hand corner. The commercial was for makeup not time regression surgery. I took an actual photograph of my actual television with my actual camera because I was so actually fucking astounded.