Horrorscope – Friday 9th May 2014

 

You are responsible for the Empire of your Crumbling Mind.

Your fingers are talking to each other.

Spiderman has just sprayed your face in sticky hand jizz.

Look up and you will see what killed you.

Whatever you do with those organs you purchased off E-bay it had better be quick, the Feds are coming up the stairs now.

Someone is taking advantage of you right now. Someone sitting right next to you.

Wear a cape this weekend. Again.

Your red eyes stand out daringly against the monochrome background.

Don’t swim in the pool. It’s full of hungry you-eating sharks. You’re welcome for this obvious but important advice.

The best you can hope is that one day you will live in a trash can that doesn’t contain much feces.

You are going to ruin colour theory with your weekend outfits.

Look out for any annexation opportunities this weekend, you best take them while you can.