Horrorscope – Tuesday 29th April 2014

 

There are lots of things in the basement. Time for a spring clean. Bring the hazmat suits and the pentagrams.

Joining that cult is looking like it was the best option, after all.

Green energy is made of people. Or is that Soylent Green? Apparently it’s both.

And, lo, on the third day Hulk did Smash.

You’ve got five seconds left.

When you get into work today you find a lot of chewed bones and not many fellow employees.

Start praying.

Start preying.

You notice at lunch time that your face has been stuck in your orgasm expression since you awoke. No one told you. Think about what that means.

You had better learn to fly, quickly.

You will purchase a haunted House. It will be a very boring experience and no one will die because of it. All the death will come about because of the asbestos and the cancer.

You’ve been buried alive in the foundations of the building you spent years designing. As you asphixiate in the hardening concrete take comfort in the fact you will spend the next few years haunting the overpaid, haughty residents.