Horrorscope – Monday 28th April 2014

 

You will fall into a pit of knives.

You are going to drown in a lake of children’s tears.

You are going to get lost and die in a Forest of mannequins.

You are going to wake up white and then spend the day patronising people of colour.

You are going to open the wrong door.

Your tongue just fell out.

Later in the day you will find a human tongue lying on the sidewalk.

Your Father has escaped from the basement again. Get the net and capture him before he kills again.

You are addicted to Poverty Tourism.

A mountain has just landed on top of you.

You just pronounced Illinois incorrectly and everybody is judging you.

Many of your relatives died today – all in freakishly unlikely accidents.