Tags
2014, aquarius, aries, astrology, Cancer, capricorn, gemini, horoscope, horrorscope, humor, leo, libra, pisces, predictions, rationalism, sagittarius, satire, scorpio, taurus, virgo
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- You’re not getting off this space station alive.
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- You live in a cartoon. A cartoon in which you are not invulnerable. That saw factory is going to be the end of you.
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- You will be Vice President to Lyndon Larouche. Then the rip in space time will suck you back into this reality.
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- Your yearning for freedom will do you little good in the face of those giant, well armed robot eagles.
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- The court doesn’t care about your evidence because they have already decided you are guilty of secret crimes.
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- Death for awl. Death for all. Death for owls. Whatever the judge said it’s not good for you who owns an All Awls for Owls business.
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- You have done nothing worthwhile today but at least that means you stopped, even if for 24 hours, from plotting against the rest of humanity.
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- It’s all going to be traced back to you. Time to move to another city.
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- How you got into the middle of the Antarctic is a story for another time. How you are going to escape will take too long to explain here. So, essentially, you’re not going to escape.
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- Everything that your parents said were true. Especially about the tooth fairy coming to steal all of your teeth. That is why you woke up this morning without any teeth.
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- The Ghosts of Memory will destroy you in the end. But first, why not just enjoy the tasty burger you just purchased?
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- Wear a tie today.
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