Horrorscope – Tuesday 22nd April 2014

 

It will start dripping down the walls but you won’t be able to clean it up nor discover where it originates.

You’ve forgotten where you left your children. They’re probably safe, somewhere, doing something.

You’re about to be tazed. Halfway through reading that last sentence.

Take an umbrella with you to work today. There will be a lot of blood raining down from the purple skies.

Don’t press that button. Do press that button. Either way you’re going to lose a hand.

You are a horse trapped in a human body.

Meanwhile, back in time, there was hope then.

If you make it through today you should collect all the grapes you can for reasons I cannot yet divulge.

Your eyes are glowing. That’s odd.

You have been blacked out by the government.

Gorilla glue is made from gorillas elbow hair and sputum.

Cry. Cry. Don’t stop crying. You know why.