Horrorscope – Sunday 20th April 2014

Tags

2014, aquarius, aries, astrology, Cancer, capricorn, gemini, horoscope, horrorscope, humor, leo, libra, pisces, predictions, rationalism, sagittarius, satire, scorpio, taurus, virgo

 

You’re going to say something really racist today. Try to do it sooner rather than later. That way you can use the time until sunset trying to make amends.

Jesus is waiting in the shadows. He’s been watching you sleep.

If you find yourself wearing an Easter Bunny Costume, whatever you do, don’t start running.

With every new friend you gain you increase your chances of being killed by someone you know.

Those are not chocolate eggs.

Just because three nipples have grown on your forehead doesn’t mean you can’t go to church today.

Filling up that bag with food is a very good idea. Trying to leave without paying… that’s entirely up to you.

Prepare yourself for the fact that all of your personal effects are going to spring to life around noon.

Bread is to toast as you are to being lost in the desert for a week. Well done for still being alive.

Just as you begin your important speech you realize that not only are your notes blank but you are also in the wrong room. Good luck!

You should start a human taxidermy business. It will be a great success, trust me.

If you are still alive by the end of the day then those assassins really weren’t trying hard enough.

Advertisements