Horrorscope – Thursday 13th March 2014

You are never going to be popular unless you become more reliable. You are never going to become more reliable.

You are the host body for a parasitic alien. Everyone can see it pulsing just above your left eye.

Your eyes will glow like hot coals. Someone will have placed hot coals in your eye sockets at lunch time.

The Collapse of Western Civilization is coming and it is going to be your fault.

No one is reading anything you write.

There will never be an end to the tests you have to take, pass, retake, pass – until you die. Chin up!

In the night, someone swapped your hands and feet. Try explaining that to your boss.

Woven into your skin, you find a map to hidden treasure.

Aliens exist they just don’t want to abduct you because you are too boring.

This is your last day living in 3-dimensions. Use your time wisely.

You are a figment of your own imagination.

Don’t drink that! They’ve poisoned it! Again.