Appetite for Distraction – Another Day.


He wakes up. The Ukraine is heavy with civil war. The new Primeminister of Italy looks like Mr. Bean. Tony Blair was giving advice to Rebbekah Wade about her News of the World travails but that’s okay because surely it’s okay to give advice to friends who are in trouble and then he watches a man smash an ancient vase painted with industrial paint by Ai Wai Wai that was in a gallery and was worth millions of dollars and then a woman gets shot outside of a bank in the Ukraine and then Tony Blair suggests that Rebbekah Wade carry out a Hutton Style inquiry for her phone tapping problems but he wonders what that means does he many carry out an inquiry that will exonerate her and her lackeys or does he mean as he says he claims he means carrying out an open and fair inquiry which will get to the truth of the matter. He couldn’t possibly comment on which one Tony Blair means but he has been watching a lot of House of Cards recently so his mind is certainly turning itself towards one of those definitions. Then there is yet more ice dancing and yet more House of Cards and he is in a hospital and he is being x-rayed and the x-ray technician is talking like a fashion photographer and telling him how perfect his shoulder is and that he is text book and that all the other shoulder would be jealous and give me blue steel and pose like that and make it feel so good and then he goes to the doctor and finds that his shoulder is just stiff and he didn’t need to do all of those things just some stretches but it did make the morning pass by so at least there was that. Then he watches Jimmy Fallon take over late night television even more and he ponders the amount of space that is taken up talking about this and how much importance it is being given and he smells the smoke and he sees the mirrors but he does not know what the final reveal will be – an empty beach stretching out forever lost individuals wandering around aimlessly as they take breaks between scrabbling for sustenance in the wet sand. Then he looks at a list of unusual hotels which includes a caravan inside a warehouse, a mineshaft, a model intestine, a building shaped like a giant cartoon dog, a building shaped like a trojan horse, a hammock and a hotel made entirely of salt. There are people out there now in the world collecting these experiences even as children walk with their families over the desert to escape a war and then find themselves in a famous photograph which misrepresents their already awful experience. Then he worries about the American legal system then he worries about the man who is being crushed by the makers of Candy Crush because he made a similar game before them but now doesn’t have the means to stop them destroying him and even as he wonders if the whole story is a hoax he plays one more game of Candy Crush before bed as he buries the guilt deep down inside himself falling into sleep that will last for hours.

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