Tags
2014, aquarius, aries, astrology, Cancer, capricorn, gemini, horoscope, horrorscope, humor, leo, libra, pisces, predictions, rationalism, romance, sagittarius, satire, scorpio, taurus, Valentine, valentines day, virgo
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- Your love charges by the hour.
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- All your teeth will fall out and each tooth will grow into a beautiful flower shaped like a heart. You will still have no teeth.
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- Love songs are warnings from the future. Heed them.
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- Today the flowers will sprout limbs and stalk the earth. They will not spare you.
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- When that stranger fires an arrow into your heart it means that they love you. As you bleed out on the sidewalk let the thought that you were loved be your final memory.
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- Yes, today masturbation counts as love.
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- Share your diseases and watch them blossom like a degraded flower.
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- Taking someone off the street and tying them up in your basement is not the start of a beautiful romance.
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- Later today someone will throw a snowball at you. This is unusual as you are alone in the desert.
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- Someone has replaced your bones with turkish delight.
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- A golden shower will never be a welcome Valentine’s gift.
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- If only you had trained for that marathon you’d be better prepared to escape from that approaching horde.
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