Horrorscope – Thursday 28th January 2014

You wake up to find yourself trapped inside Macklemore’s grammy.

You are the only woodchuck who knows how many woodchucks were chucked.

Your tongue is a lasso. Do not worry but be sure to breathe through your nose.

Around lunchtime you will notice that the moon is on fire and plummeting towards your office. You will not have to go back to work after lunch.

So that’s where it’s been hiding. Inside that simple box. Now you just need to find a surgeon who has enough skill to replace your heart.

Living in a ventiliation shaft isn’t so bad. At least you have a plentiful supply of oxygen.

Now that you have wheels instead of hands and feet you may need help when you change your tires.

You really should have learnt how to sword fight before the duel not during it.

The duck sauce that you are served is always made from ducks. Cute ducks that were loved by children and Jesus.

That man in front of you is not wearing a hat. That’s his small, hairy son sitting atop his bald head.

Love has passed you by for now but beware it is coming back for it’s revenge later in the day.

Once Upon a Time The End.