Horrorscope – Monday January 20th 2014


horrorscopes title

I should have warned you about that quicksand yesterday. On the plus side at least you know where your family are now and the burial costs are no longer a worry.
Beware of the screaming that only you can hear. Don’t tell anyone. Just beware of it.

 

How many hearts do you really need? Oh, at least one? That's going to be a problem round about lunchtime.
Today you will welcome a ghost into your life.
All the world is a stage and you just forgot all of your lines.
2014 will be a great year. Not for you but for everyone that you hate.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Snow. Snow. Snow. You are made of snow.
Whatever happened yesterday is in the past. Leave it there. Really, if you don’t then you will surely be turned into a fine paste.
You are wearing too much make up.
Your legs will look perfect for one minute.
You are not wearing enough make up.
Samples of your own fluids do not make for good gifts.
Stop eating make up.
When you planned to start a new career you should not have decided on nude lion taming.
You wake up wearing a large Mickey Mouse suit tied to a chair in a room with no windows. Your guess is as good as mine.
How many people will bump into you today? A lot of people, that’s how many.
If only you hadn't taken that rune covered box. You wouldn't be hiding from that thing now.
You have a bow, a quiver of arrows and you are half-horse. You are a boss.
Yes - you are on fire. No - it's not going to get any less painful. Yes - it's your own fault.
Clawed out eyes are in your future.
Your plan to take over the world with an army of mice is reaching fruition. Keep up the good work.
Prepare to lose a kidney today after waking up in a bath of ice.
After you send your hair to strangers in the post you will surely meet lots of new people.
No matter how hard you apply positive thinking you will still not grow gills.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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