He wakes up. He discovers that it is New Year’s Eve. He wonders where the rest of the year went. … More
Look after your inner child. If you don’t it will eat your tasty organs.
Every time a bell rings an angel does a fart. Christmas Science. You’re welcome.
If you have been naughty there is no hope for you. He will get through all of your defenses and … More
Today you will realize that everything you knew is wrong. Luckily you previously thought that the world was flat, apples … More
Today the end of the year creeps ever closer. There is no escaping it. Unless you are stuck in a … More
If you find yourself up the creek without a paddle You would be best to realize that even if you … More
Today success will come in the form of a bearded man handing out gifts. So if you see a Walt … More
And I don’t even want to begin to imagine what that bear is doing. I stared at the animated sign, … More
Today is a day to count your blessings. You have seven but they are rapidly approaching their sell by date. … More
If you play your cards right you will have your own flag by the end of the day. If you … More
It snowed a while ago. Here are four photographs.
He wakes up. Thor 2 Anthony Hopkins seems half asleep but everyone else seems wide awake. The Hunger Games tiny … More
You better not shout, You better not cry, You better not pout, I’m telling you why Because no one can … More
Egg nog runs through Santa’s veins. That is why he remains untouched by vampires. You, however, will not be so … More
You will invent something incredible today. Oh, sorry, that’s been invented already. Sorry to get your hopes up.
You will need to wear your suit of armour today. This is a metaphor. Your real suit of armour should … More
Feel free to take candy from strangers today. However, if you find that you wake up in a bath tub … More
He wakes up. The world is covered in ice. He falls asleep and misses his shower window and he slides … More
Be wary of being wary. Be careful about being careful. Don’t risk taking risks.
Nothing says Christmas is here more than cutting down a massive tree, transporting it across the country and then displaying … More
He wakes up. It is 4am. He turns the television on and watches the Nelson Mandela memorial service in the … More
You will find some time during the morning that you have developed a prehensile tail. Take advantage of your new … More
He wakes up. He drinks coffee. He eats cereal. He eats cookies. This is not a healthy breakfast but he … More
Today you are Meryl Streep. This is as exciting as you think it is.
This morning time is going backwards so good evening to you. I’m sorry about your broken legs and the lupus. … More
Today you will be chased and eaten by a horde of cats. You probably won’t deserve it but cats have … More
Today when you wake up you will experience an entire day that will exhaust you. Then you will actually wake … More
Piano keys will not help you unlock this door. They will, however, be really useful as projectile weapons to be … More
He wakes up. It is early. It is mild. He is mild. He gets into the shower and he turns … More
Did you really think that you were going to get away with that? Well you did, no consequences. Congratulations. No-one … More
He wakes up. He is happy. A cat proceeds to press his buttocks into his face. He takes a shower. … More
No, it’s not just you – those things in hats have been following you since your morning ablutions. You should … More
He wakes up. He forgets something terribly important and regrets it horribly as he desperately tries to make amends but … More
Don’t worry too much that the words in your newspaper are dripping off the page. Worry about the terrible price … More
Today you will try to convince everyone that Jeff Bezos is trying to take over the world. No one will … More
He wakes up. He frees himself from unpleasant dreams that only leave ominous after images in his brain of a … More
Even as you feel the life drain from your body, Be thankful that your corpse will be used as cross-training … More
He wakes up. He has slept well and long and his alarm has not woken him up and he has … More