Appetite for Distraction – Another Day.


He wakes up. He has been ill. He has been sick. He has evacuated everything of himself into and out of and through and over and above and beyond and his bent double staggering round the toilet bowl agony in his beard and dripping from his mouth and from other places wretching stomach spasm illness and bed ridden for days riding the bed for days and no water passes his lips at first and no food can pass his lips at first and then only tiny sips and then only the smallest of nibbles of toast and crackers and the days pass and the agony remains and the sheen of sweat thickens and oils up through the pores as he feels his death and then he is alive once again and cured and pushed through the viral wall that brought him low and he is on his way to work and he skirts a large puddle of vomit on the ground and he staggers back at the volume of a stranger’s sneeze and he feels a storm is coming because a storm is coming because he heard them talk about it on the radio this morning and it has killed people and it is not a metaphor it is a real storm. Then he reads about a Breaking Bad themed wedding and he thinks only in America and then he thinks no that could happen anywhere where Breaking Bad is a popular television show because people are pretty similar when you get right down to it.  Then he remembers the anxiety dream he had about work where nothing was plugged in and he was directed to the wrong studio and he was only told that nothing worked when they were live on air but luckily that was a dream and then he remember his other dream where he was in a vast expanse of blackness being drugged and seduced by a naked white woman with a bobbed crimson pixie cut but then he rejected her advances and she melted into the darkness leaving him alone in the bright light and then later on it is analyzed as a dream about him dealing with his feelings about race theory and his desire to break free of his whiteness and deny it but of course he cannot deny it because he is it but that makes him feel self-loathing but it is something that he has to come to terms with as an individual and as a member of society and then he listens to horrendous monsters sounds and then he does lots of dish washing and glass washing and then he learns that there will be ice rain tomorrow and that irritates him and then he watches Kanye West and Kim Kardashian’s new video and it is not as ridiculous as he has been led to believe and then he watches the James Franco Seth Rogen spoof and it isn’t as funny as he was expecting but actually rather sincere and moving and he feels that whether the intention was to spoof and lampoon the original it hasn’t worked at all and the joke one is actually somewhat profound and moving and he is not sad that either of these videos exist and that they express in a direct way feelings of love and that is not a bad thing and then he is asked by his landlord to talk a little more quietly on the phone because it was keeping him up last night and then he feels a little embarassed because he was talking about graphic sexual things and other things that were not graphic sexual things but very loudly but he didn’t think it was loudly so now everyone in the house who is older and wiser knows all the things he likes to do and that is not necessarily information that he wanted to share but it is done now and he smiles and he brushes his teeth and he goes to sleep glad that these entries are opaque and almost unreadable.

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