It will come to your attention as the day progresses that you are not getting the attention you deserve. The … More
In case you have been confused recently. You’re welcome.
He wakes up. He has made no plans for Thanks giving he has no plans for The Indigenous Peoples Sunrise Ceremony … More
Today you will be the Thanksgiving leftovers for our Inter-dimensional Overlords. Baste yourself.
Thanksgiving. Today you will be filled with helium and stretched tight your limbs attached to rope as you are dragged … More
He wakes up. He is energized. He is fully of energy. He watches the dust motes dance in the beams … More
Where does all this energy come from? It comes from The Screaming Dead. That will teach you to ask questions.
You are a hybrid of human and horse. News doesn’t get much better than this today.
He wakes up. He has been ill. He has been sick. He has evacuated everything of himself into and out … More
Good news – your hopes and dreams are going to come true. Bad news – your hopes and dreams involve … More
It is best that you start learning archery. You will learn for why soon enough.
Remember that thing you did last summer? Yes, I remember that too. *stares*
He wakes up. His landlord is ill. He gives his landlord $750 in cash which makes his landlord a little … More
Too many cooks spoil the broth. If you must make broth out of cooks only use one cook.
Red sky at night sailors delight. Red sky in the morning – it’s far too late; the sailors have already … More
Red sky at night shepherds delight. Red sky in the morning – stay in your homes the sheperds have no … More
He wakes up. The Fiery Brook runs past the front door. He is at a bus stop and a drunk … More
Hell is not other people. It is you.
Hummus is not what you think it is.
It’s all going to be okay. Yes, don’t worry. Just put this bag on your head And sit down in … More
You are a construct made in the Factory of your Ideology.
He wakes up. He passes his driving test. Then there is some confusion so he cannot pay for the test … More
Well-wishers will be knocking at your door. Do not let them in. They bring nothing but tragedy.
You must be born. You must have opinions. You must have no opinions. You must love literature. You must hate … More
He wakes up. He sits on a bus and watches as an old woman realises that she has passed her … More
Ignore the sirens.
You had better unbury that “body” because the council are about to dig up the area in order to install … More
When life gives you lemons You can makes all sorts of things with lemons. Stop complaining. Someone has just given … More
Good things come to those who wait. Unless all the good things are just go around the corner out of … More
If you use the assembly instructions you received with your wardrobe to put together your table You will discover that … More
You should definitely press that button no matter how many times you are warned not to.
You will forget how to words today. Don’t worry no one will notice because no one ever notices anything you … More
Don’t worry. Worrying is futile In the Face of Certain Doom.
Make it a talking point with your colleagues by wearing snowshoes to work. This will increase your chances of promotion … More
You’re not being radical enough. Time to get up on the barricade.
Just because Monday rhymes with Funday Does not mean that it is going to be a fun day today. Stay … More
Yes, that is ectoplasm coming out of your mouth. Don’t worry, The fear will soon pass To be replaced by … More
All Your Base Are Belong to Me. Hand them over, please.