He wakes up. Not enough sleep. No shower. Same pants same underpants same pants same trousers same jumper same sweater … More
I posted this before but it’s Halloween so I thought the world was ready to re-experience the horror…. Oh Dripping … More
My brother is in a band. Here is the disturbing new video for their new single. I warned you, didn’t … More
Everything will happen today. EVERYTHING.
He wakes up. Hell. He showers. Anti-Hell. He watches with terror as a technology guru descibes the outline of the … More
When those around you start to spontaneously combust simply ignore them and continue on with your business.
Truly you are your brother’s keeper. Whatever you do, make sure you keep his cage locked. If he gets out, … More
He wakes up. He is refreshed. He showers. He eats toast with honey on it and he eats toast with … More
How do you know what is going to happen to you today? Because now you can see the future. Enjoy … More
Today you will reflect on your childhood. The mirror you hold up to the past will be dirty and hard … More
That pile of chocolate will not eat itself. It will eat you. RUN!
It is only my birthday today. There will be no birthday celebrations for anyone else. I am sorry if you … More
Stay away from poison. It is poisonous.
Today you will feel like a trending hashtag. #confused
Howling. Scowling. Fouling. These lessons from school days will serve you well.
You are Big Brother.
All of this was a dream. Except for that bit. That bit was all too real. Don’t worry, the shuddering … More
You are mistaken. There is definitely a drawing here.
Today beware of bewaring.
Today – Walking for thinking, Running to clear your head And flying because of the giant cybernetic wings that have … More
You forgot to read your horoscope today. That is why today has been such a disaster. You do not know … More
All of your recent thoughts are mis-remembered celebrity tweets that you read last year.
Everything in moderation – except for moderation.
Your application to become the newest member of the US Supreme Court was successful. Congratulations!
It is recommended that you get your affairs in order and purchase a gravestone. All other matters remain unclear. Good … More
He wakes up. He is weightless with happiness and even the rain does not dampen him and even the cold … More
If you have a name then you are doomed. Only the Nameless will survive this day.
THIS BOOK WILL TEACH YOU NOTHING BY ZARTOSHT KUIPERS (2013)
Here are five more:
He wakes up. It is early. He gets a wonderful email and so it goes from there for the rest … More
Today you will discover that all the mirrors have stopped working.
He wakes up. He is standing at a bus stop. As he stands he watches as a man drives past … More
Today you will waste your time reading a fake horoscope. This is that horoscope. The one you are reading now. … More
Your feet are on fire. I’m not complimenting your dancing. Your actual feet are actually on fire. Hang on there, … More
Unfortunately stupidity is now contagious. There is no cure. Except for books. But you can no longer read them because … More
When you woke up today it was yesterday. Don’t worry about tomorrow – it will be today; and by the … More
You forgot all about today.
All your money has turned into chocolate. You’re welcome.
He wakes up. Silence. He dresses. The rustle of clothing. He takes the egg fried rice that he made the … More
Your tendency to find the best in people will do you well today. Look forward to new lungs, a new … More
He wakes up. He has a shower. He drinks some carrot juice. He brushes his teeth. He drinks some more … More
He wakes up. He is proactive about his car. He calls the mechanic who is very polite. He organises for … More
Be wary of your eloquence today. Don’t come running to me when you find yourself leading a rag-tag band of … More
Today is the first day of the month. Isn’t it? Don’t be so sure. mwahahahahahahahahaha etc