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He wakes up. He is nervous about drones. He is nervous about drinking too much coffee. He is nervous about his white patriarchal privilege. He is nervous about the folded in unconscious racism that is his legacy. Likewise sexism. Likewise homophobia. He is nervous about the too hot shower and then the too cold shower. He is nervous that the shower has not cleaned him and that even with the deodorant the stink of his body is emanating from every pore – a visible cloud following him to the bus. He is nervous about the looks he gives other people. He is nervous for not giving a man a quarter when he did not happen to have a quarter. He is nervous about misrepresenting Miley Cyrus as a racist to a small child. He is nervous about the surveillance state. He is nervous about Nuclear War. He is nervous about President Rouhani. He is nervous about President Obama. He is nervous about Brazil. He is nervous about President Rousseff. He is nervous during his therapy. He is nervous about not doing enough work. He is nervous about doing too much work. He is nervous that he is being surveilled. He is nervous that he is being ignored. He is nervous that he is getting old. He is nervous that he is making prisons for himself. He is nervous that he isn’t important to warrant a back ground check. He is nervous that he is an imposter and his real self has been renditioned to a black site somewhere in a nameless country a bag on his head and his wrists in manacles. He is nervous that he is about to lose his job. He is nervous that he has no savings. He is nervous. He goes to sleep.

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