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He wakes up. He is still drunk the third day in a row he is drunk from the night before, It is a comforting blanket. It nuzzles him. It reassures him. It is love. He dresses and cannot find his house keys he searches in many places many times and then remembers that he has at other times left the house keys in the front door so he goes down to the front door but they are not in the front door but when he turns to go back upstairs he sees that someone has placed them on the table in the hallway and he is greatful for this and he leaves the house although he is late again then he learns that Mubarak has been released and he hears the Darth Vadar march music in his head and he thinks how terrible this is for the imagined democracy of Egypt and how the thugs of the army have taken over again and they are freeing their leader but then he learns that this is normal practice because, after all Mubarak has not been convicted of anything no matter how awful you may think he is and there is a time limit in Egypt on keeping someone in a prison without a conviction so it ends up being a little more reasonable than at first it was reported although he still feels at the back of his mind that there is being special treatment handed out to Mubarak but that is because of all of the prejudices he keeps in a bag that he straps to his belt every day. Then he learns that a young man was found hanging in a US prison cell and rather than cut him down police officers went to get cameras so that they could take pictures while he was still alive. This seems like an inhuman and terrible thing because it is an inhuman and terrible thing. Then there is an odd story in the news that BAE systems are using technologies to help professional athletes to become better at their chosen sports but the story doesn’t have any of the technology that BAE systems claims will help the athletes all it does have is a handsome British tae kwon do olympian flying in a military flight simulator and then a after effects heavy fight between two faceless martial artists and then some people being interviewed who hope to see the technology available one day so the story itself seems a little mysterious are BAE systems who make weapons that kill people trying to show a softer more civilian side to their operation because some awful story is about to come out or are they about to lose all of their military contracts so they are looking for peaceful uses of their human shredding technology or are they going to use the athletes in some kind of experiments in which they are turned into autonomous super soldiers who will be unstoppable on any field of battle? He does not know the answer to this  but when one employee at BAE talks about how accurate simulations of martial arts fights will be able to be created so that athletes will be able to practice against their opponent the awesome enlarged part of his brain that loves conspiracy theories thinks that this would also be a perfect way to train soldiers by putting them in a vr environment and programming their virtual enemy with all the strategies of their real enemy whether this would be China or Luxembourg or Scotland because you can never tell who your future enemy is going to be. He spends his time online on forums not having to worry about rape threats or in the real world worrying about the unblinking eye of the male gaze and he is thankful for that and sickened by that and then watches a story about Rita Moreno and listens to his favourite song from West Side Story which perfectly captures the complexity of America and perfectly captures the White Patriarchal systematised racism of the and now. I want to live in America Things will be great in America If you are white in America and so it is better but it is not better and a pew poll out today tells him that things aren’t that better but white people still think things are better just like the white people in the 60s who thought everyone had an equal opportunity in America just as a majority of white people think that everyone has an equal opportunity in America today and money has nothing to do with it and ethnicity has nothing to do with it but it is easy to see with the looking and the eyes that this is not the case. He has an orange slushy and bread drenched in spray cheese and baconnaise. Spray cheese is proof of the End of Days. Baconnaise is proof of The End of Days. He watches footage of people dying in Syria and pupils dilating and shivering feverish bodies jerking and spasming and now that the red line has been crossed surely something will be done but all he can think about is the smurf t-shirt on one young boy one distraught young boy wearing a smurf tshirt and it reminds him of the safety of his childhood in Scotland watching The smurfs on Saturday morning with his brother in the safety of their bedroom with their snacks and their laughter and this screaming child who has probably lost his family with his smurf t-shirt scrabbling around with neighbours in the dead of night terrified is not the world that should be but the world that is and even if this huge massacre by chemical weapons were shown to be a fraud and a theater and an act of propaganda the UN says that over 100,000 people have died and this is men and women and children and mostly non-combatants mostly people like the child with the smurf tshirt and the mother of the child with the smurf tshirt and the father of the child with the smurf tshirt and the sister of the child with the smurf tshirt and maybe even the gay uncle but he’s accepted by his family because he is family and everyone loves him in the smurf tshirt and why is the red line chemical weapons when over 100000 people have died that is a lot of people and when a majority of them are civilians and they are massacred without any means of defending themselves that seems even more awful and even if you hate your own government and they way they manipulate international events for their own self-interested purposes as they always do he thinks you get to a point when you become complicit in this horror by not at least speaking out about it and he doesn’t have a solution but something is deeply wrong with an international system that allows this to happen to allow a country to do this to it’s people and for other countries to stand by and watch it happen and wring their hands but do nothing so maybe he is advocating for a collapse of all states and a return to an agrarian Eden but this is of course nonsense but even though he is a fan of passive resistance it seems that in this context passive resistance against a tank doesn’t seem to work and the desire to advocate for a violent response because at least that is something even if it is not the right thing seems like a compelling thing to do when men and women and children with smurf tshirts are being massacred. Then at the bus stop a deaf gentleman comes up to him and he has left his car lights on all day so now his car is dead and he asks if it would be possible to make a phone call to a Pastor Heinreich so a call is made to Pastor Heinreich but he only gets a receptionist and leaves a message so Mr. Levenson, who is the polite deaf gentleman is nervous and worried because his car was his only means of getting home and he has never taken a bus before and he does not know how to order a taxi so after waiting he offers to take the deaf gentleman to the taxi rank and he walks him over and he explains to one taxi driver who will not take him because his credit card machine is broken which is probably a lie because it generally means that there is extra paper work but even so they go to the next taxi driver and he is willing to take Mr. Levenson so he explains to the driver that Mr. Levenson is deaf and he needs to be taken home and he shakes the hand of Mr. Levenson who is nearly in tears and what he perceives as some glorious generosity but it is a nice thing to do a nice thing especially when he very rarely does any nice things and he ushers Mr. Levenson into the car and then walks away hoping that the taxi driver takes Mr. Levenson home. He worries about this a great deal but believing in the essential goodness of people he believes that it all worked out okay. Then he has a cup caked and a mango flavoured ice tea then he buys the autobiography of Malcom X and Why We Can’t Wait by Martin Luther King Jr because he feels it is important to buy them from a bookshop and not from Amazon and not download them for free from some torrent website and he buys a copy of The United States of Paranoia by Jesse Walker which he also bought for a friend the other day and posted because he was drunk and thought it would be nice to buy a book for a friend who also shares a love of conspiracy theories but he did buy it on Amazon and feels bad or that because  their employee practices are so heinous but he was drunk so he uses that as an excuse as he uses it as an excuse for so many of the awful things he has done in his life. Then he drinks some red wine and then he watches some Chris Hayes who is less irritating than normal and then he plays some video games because he has been thinking too much all day and they help fry the neurons and redirect them into other less contentious places that will calm him for a while because it is tiring to be angry all the time and then he is going to go to a party but he has an anxiety attack about being in a house full of people that he won’t know very well and he won’t be able to talk and converse and why would they want to talk and converse with him anyway so he takes deep breaths and contacts the friend and explains his anxiety attack and she is understanding and that makes him feel better but also feel guilty because it is a leaving party but he will see her individually next week and he really should go and talk to someone about these anxiety attacks that he keeps having as they are affecting his life quite a lot and then he drinks some more red wine and then he goes to sleep.

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