Appetite for Distraction – Another Day.


He wakes up. He is glad that he drank alcohol last night because it calmed him and took away his anxiety. This may be a problem but he doesn’t dwell on it for now and he makes  a coffee which kills the buzz but doesn’t bring back the anxiety. Later he is on the bus and a nice man keeps the door open for him. Then he is at work and Egypt is confusing and Japan is leaking nuclear waste and a psychotic American soldier is being treated with sympathy even though he shot children and shot grandmothers and smashed old women to death in the face and set them on fire and then returned to his base to reload and then went on to another village and did the same thing and laid waste to families of women and children and set them alight and then Yemen is being strafed by drones and crushed and oppressed and then the lover of a journalist is being held under a very specific terrorist law for non-terroristic things and he wonders when will the good guys start realising that they are not the good guys and have never been the good guys but are just guys and in this instance have very likely been the bad guys for quite some time now and it turns out that Nietzche was right with his He who fights with monsters should be careful lest he thereby become a monster. And if thou gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will also gaze into thee because maybe it’s a different kind of monster but it’s still a monster and the abyss has a million eyes and they are all staring and strafing and judging. Then he eats too much processed meat but he still seems to be alive and then he goes and buys a fish tank and the Petsmart that he goes to seems to employ only children and he wonders for a while if he has arrived in some kind of secret Disney show but it turns out not to be a Disney show and all the children are very professional and attentive but there seems to be no adult supervising and the only adult in the store is him and a wiry old woman who is buying bulk sacks of food for her cat. He drops off the fish tank and returns home and feels less anxious than the day before but this may be because he is looking forward to drinking alcohol and masturbating and after he has done both of these things he realises that this was exactly the reason for his anxiety staying at a distance because drinking alcohol and masturbating has calmed him greatly and he talks with friends and then he watches Chris Hayes who talks too much but seems to mean well and then he reads some very clever people on Quora and then he draws a horror lion and then he goes to sleep.

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