Appetite for Distraction – Another Day.

He wakes up. His attempts at using an app to monitor his sleep pattern was not a success because he woke up every hour believing that he had a good nights sleep every time. Now he is delerious with exhaustaion. He gets on the bus and arrives at the dentist on time. The dentists compliments him on his fine strong teeth even as he comments on his small mouth and the fact the teeth are all bunching up together. The dentist makes his mouth sound like a fleshy crowded elevator. He gets a goodie bag with toothpaste and a toothbrush and dental floss and he leaves happily wondering at the intimacy that comes in the dentist chair where the unspoken agreement to allow one stranger to put his fingers and tools into his mouth for an undefined period of time probing and touching and polishing and scraping and inserting and buffing it is something that in any other context would be awkward but it is not awkward it is normal. Then he walks to the train and worries when he sees a young woman crossing the road during rush hour with abandon and no care for herself but she does not get hit by a vehicle. Then he tries to budget and worries that he does not have enough money to make it through the month but then he has a coffee and a bagel and watches David Cameron talk about world politics but he is more interested in the first eight minutes of the new Ghost in the Shell so he doesn’t really pay much attention to David Cameron and then he remembers a conversation from yesterday in which he was asked how much money he would need to be paid to be urinated on and he replied that it was entirely dependent on the context and who it was and the cost could be anything from no money to one million dollars and whether it was sexual or with a loved one or to nuetralise a sea urchin barb or a snake bite or if it was in front of a large audience or in a church or underneath a window or a tree or if it were a human or another creature and the agreed upon median was found to be around $10,000 which seemed to be an acceptable amount to ask for if one was to be urinated on and no figure was given to what should be paid the person doing the urinating. Then World War III was being prepared if the Daily Mail was to be believed as they veiled their worries over hatred of muslims and then he paid all his bills and he found he had enough money left for not very much at all. He watches the trailer to the new Alan Partridge movie and it makes him happy and makes him remember the time years ago when he went to see Alan Partridge live and he was singled out by the great man as “bloke with a beard” just as his friend was commented on as “chap with glasses”. It was a great moment that has not been lived up to by any other moments. Then he has some sushi for lunch because the line at Shake Shack is an enormous snake then he draws a picture of a made up science fiction thing and then he has a coffee and then he nearly falls asleep and then he manages to drive his car all the way home even though the windshield is covered in some kind of opaque dirt that makes his windscreen a nightmare to see through when the sunlight shines at it and he eats a burger and he plays some cats cradle and he teaches some juggling and then he gets on a bus and then he is walking and takes some photographs with long exposures of the fields and as he hears people approaching he realises he probably looks like a pervert waiting in the shadows because it is pitch black and he cannot decide whether to make lots of noise to appear normal or to remain totally silent so as not to be noticed and they pass and he is not noticed and then the memory of the thick beautiful legs of a woman he saw earlier on the bus come to mind and he wonders where that woman is now because he will never see her again and then he lies down and he watches an episode of Space Brothers and he wonders if anyone got in trouble for accidentally publishing that obituary of Nelson Mandela on that German website for 5 minutes and he hopes that no one did and he also hopes with every inch of his soul and pore of his being that the rumours  about Tony Blair and Wendy Deng are true because if they are true it would be the most marvellous thing that has happened in all the world. Then he goes to sleep.


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